An Angry Wife

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. “What’ll you have?” he asked. “Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. “Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!” “Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

Boy Meets a Girl at the Bar

A guy meets a girl at the bar and after a few drinks they go back to her place. Going hot and heavy at it he goes down on her. While he’s eating her out a kernel of corn comes out. He finds it odd but keeps going. Then a piece of carrot comes out and he thinks to himself, “wow this chick is in to kink!” But bits of food keep coming out of her snatch when finally a chunk of potato comes out and he freaks out looking up and says, “Damn baby, you sick?” She looks down and says, “No the guy before you was.”

Wart on Husbands Duck

Two old friends are having coffee
when the first woman says, “I hear
that you’ve been telling people that
I’m ugly!” “Oh NO! I’ve just been
saying that your new hairdo makes
you look less attractive.” “I also
heard that you’ve been calling me
fat?” “Oh NO! I just said that the
way you wear those stripes makes you
look larger than you really are.” “I’
ve also heard that you’re saying that
my husband has a wart on his d*ck!” “Oh
NO! I only said that it feels like he
has a wart on his d*ck!”

Sxx in Island

John and Dave have been on a
deserted island for over 2
years. Missing sxx John
proposes an idea.
“Look Dave, I know we’re not gay but
if you pretend to be a woman for me
and let me sxx you up I will do the
same for you.”
Dave agreed and John began to ram Dave’s
as*hole. Dave was being a good sport and
did his best to moan like a woman. After
John finished Dave said “Ok your turn”
“F*ck off, I have a headache Dave.”

My Wife Wont have Sxx with me

A stuttering man goes into his
doctor’s office…and the doctor
says “in order to cure your
stuttering problem, we need to
dock an inch or two off your d*ck”.
the stuttering man goes “f-f-f-fine,
d-d-d-do it”. A few days later the
man comes back to the doctor’s office
and says “I don’t stutter anymore, but
my wife won’t have sxx with me, can
I have my inches back?” To which the
doctor replies “f-f-f-f*ck you.”

Squeeze my Brest

A deaf couple got married and on
their wedding night, before going
to bed, they decided to come up
with a way to communicate in the
dark.The wife said, if you want
to have sxx squeeze my left brest
once and if you don’t, squeeze my
right breast once.The husband
thought this was reasonable and said,
ok if you want to have sxx pull my
p*nis once, if you don’t, pull it
300 times

Wife in Crotchless Panties

A wife wants to spice up her
sxx life…So she goes decides
to try crotchless panties. Her
husband gets home from work and
she’s on the couch waiting for
him. He walks by, looks at her,
then goes in the kitchen and
gets a beer.He comes back and
sits down like nothing happened.
Finally, the frustrated wife yells
“Don’t you want some of this?”
And he says “F*ck no, look what it
did to your underwear.”

Negotiations in Sxx

An old, rich, oil tycoon walks into
a Texas bar and addresses all the
women “who will have sxx with me for
a million dollars?” After a few
seconds a woman stands up and says
that she will. The old man replies
“good. now will you have sxx with me
for fifty dollars?” disgusted the
woman replies “what the hell do you
think i am!?” he simply smile and
responds “i believe we have already
established that. now we are
negotiating”

Sxx in Hunger

A poor couple try their best
to make ends meet. Times were
hard, and there were days when
the couple couldn’t afford to
eat. To curb their hunger, the
couple would have sxx.One evening,
the husband comes home from work
and finds his wife humping the
arm rest of the couch. Perplexed,
the husband asks what she was
doing. The wife responds, “nothing,
just heating up your dinner.”

Wife & Husband in the Garden

Glenn and his wife were working in their garden one day when Glenn looks over at his wife and says, “Your butt is getting really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.” With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife’s bottom. “Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!” The wife chose to ignore the husband. Later that night in bed Glenn was feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. “What’s wrong?” he asks. She answers, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie